I feel alone. It's what I wanted. It doesn't feel so good anymore. I thought the pain would ease whatever I felt in me. I needed the pain to make myself feel better. It's not like the loneliness crept up on me. I welcomed it with open arms. It took me to a safer place and time, away from what I thought was real. I sound so desperate, looking for something, but I'm not now. I am just standing back, waiting. Maybe not waiting, just standing there. I am motionless, with my eyes, I am the observer. I am going to be more reserved, quiet, no one will notice I'm there. So completely unaware. Maybe they'll notice I'm here, but I do my own thing, so they'll go on without a care. They all think I'm secure, that I hold it all together. But I don't, I can never. When we get stormy weather, it always rains on me. But I love the rain, because I feel like I am swimming in the sea. When I get home, I know nobody's around. I am alone, maybe people can hear the soft cry aounds. Sobbing, but it felt good. It came out like it should, like I knew it should, but never in front of you I could. I sustain the tears, cover my face, the happiness is fear. |