Sunshine_w/o_the_light
Knight
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Timing is everything.
Many of you know the trauma my family went through this past fall.
I've started seeing someone, been about two months now. But he wasn't in my life when it all happened.
Needless to say I am still dealing with a lot of psychological issues because of it. I've been putting off dealing with it completely even on my own
because I've been really busy keeping all of the other plates in my life spinning. It's become my job to look after so much in the absence of my
Dad, I've been too busy to have my turn to deal.
I know its getting to the point with this mister that I have to either let him in, or cut it off. Which I really don't want to do. I like him. He
actually makes me really happy and I am so glad I have that in my life.
He has expressed that he is interested in being let in, but he will not push me to discuss it. I have to go to him when I'm ready. He's wonderfully
patient with me.
Question is, when is an appropriate time to have that conversation? Tell him why I jolt awake in the middle of the night, why I have a hard time
falling asleep, why I get angry so fast at minimal things..
I live in constant pain, the things going on in my head. I just can't imagine someone willing to put up with it.
I'm going to be all weepy [probably] when I start getting into it.
I'm scared of what toll it will take on me. And what toll it will take on the relationship. [the latter I'm pretty sure is a stupid concern for me
to have].
...It's even a recent development for me to be able to admit when I'm afraid. And I'm terrified.
I am a Hexaholic
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TheWanderingJew
Artisan
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Are you saying he doesn't know you recently lost your father?
In my experience, as a guy, if I am really interested in a girl, I'll put up with nearly anything for her. I can't say that all men are that way, but
I've gone through some really weird and stupid shit for girls. My very first girlfriend had all these ridiculous issues, mostly with other guys who
were interested in her and were shocked that she would date someone else (me) over her. She was emotionally in shambles, and it was sometimes a
nightmare to deal with, but I dealt with it because I cared about her deeply. In the end, we did end up breaking up, and I'd be lying if I said those
problems didn't play a role in it.
The way I see it, I tried my best to help her with all the problems. If that meant keeping my nose out of it, I did that.
I think you should at least open up to this guy. It really helps to have an outside person who wasn't directly affected by the event to talk to.
Give him a chance, at least. If he's even half decent, he would probably help a lot.
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EmilyHayes
Artisan
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I don't know what you and your family went through, but I just wanted to say I'm deeply sorry anyways.
This is kinda weird, but I always found that the best time for serious talks was a while after sex when you are just lying awake in bed. Always feels
like you can talk about anything during that time. My bf and I have spent hours talking the night away. You're already physically open and vulnerable
(naked) so it makes it a little easier to bare your soul. Also the lights are off by that point so you can talk without feeling like someone is
staring at you. For some people it's easier to say hard things when the person isn't looking at you. This can work even if you haven't had sex right
before lol, but are just in bed together with the lights off.
It will be hard. Trusting someone enough to open up is always a big step in a relationship, but if he is as great as you say, he will be there for you
and make the journey easier.
She acts like she is beautiful  That is the secret to her charm
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youonlylive2die
Rogue
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Registered: 11-30-2003
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I think it would be a good thing for you to tell him. If he's extremely patient with you already, he's most likely going to be very understanding,
and help you through it. You obviously feel like it's a big step, and you're scared (which btw isn't stupid.), and you should make sure YOU'RE ready.
Nobody can tell you when the right time is, you have to decide that for yourself.
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EmilyHayes
Artisan
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Quote: Originally posted by TheWanderingJew  |
Are you saying he doesn't know you recently lost your father?
In my experience, as a guy, if I am really interested in a girl, I'll put up with nearly anything for her. I can't say that all men are that way, but
I've gone through some really weird and stupid shit for girls. My very first girlfriend had all these ridiculous issues, mostly with other guys who
were interested in her and were shocked that she would date someone else (me) over her. She was emotionally in shambles, and it was sometimes a
nightmare to deal with, but I dealt with it because I cared about her deeply. In the end, we did end up breaking up, and I'd be lying if I said those
problems didn't play a role in it.
The way I see it, I tried my best to help her with all the problems. If that meant keeping my nose out of it, I did that.
I think you should at least open up to this guy. It really helps to have an outside person who wasn't directly affected by the event to talk to.
Give him a chance, at least. If he's even half decent, he would probably help a lot.
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Yeah My bf has dealt with so much shit from me. Seriously I don't know how he has survived this long. I'm better now, so looks like his patience the
last 2.5 years has paid off. But I don't know where I would be without him. He has helped me through so much to the best of his ability. Guys like
this don't come very often and you're lucky if you run into one. Just make sure you do open up, because if you just give them part of you and hide the
other part, they can see that. Not only does it hurt you to keep it in, it hurts them knowing you don't trust them enough to open up.
She acts like she is beautiful That is the secret to her charm
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Sunshine_w/o_the_light
Knight
Posts: 1744
Registered: 12-19-2004
Location: Where i am is where i am.
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Mood: Hidden.
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Thanks guys. I really wasn't expecting this much activity on this so soon.
TWJ:
He knows that my Dad is gone, and he knows how it happened. Other than the details he has from an article [I made available on fb] he doesn't know
much about everything else, like everyone else doesn't.
Emily: I always love that time. Just super chill, relaxed.. I've tried bringing it up once or twice but I end up tongue tied where to start. I
always feel like it's a mood killer.
Waiting til I'm ready. I didn't think of it that way. Maybe that's why I can't seem to get going.
I am a Hexaholic
Thanks for playing along |
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EmilyHayes
Artisan
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Meh, there will be plenty other moods not to kill in the future. Killing one won't be so bad
She acts like she is beautiful That is the secret to her charm
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youonlylive2die
Rogue
Posts: 334
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Location: Nebraska
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Could be.
And, honestly, If you're worried he's going to think less of you, you shouldn't. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, but if anyone were to think
that, you don't need them in your life. You suffered a tremendous loss, and you're obviously still grieving. It's understandable. And, it's ok.
You don't have to feel bad for being sad or angry. If it makes it easier just try letting a little bit out at a time. You don't have to let it all
out at once.
I hope things get better for you. I'm really sorry.
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Sacred_Breath
formerly *Incandescent*
Posts: 4385
Registered: 3-24-2004
Location: NO.
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If you think this guy could be someone special in your life, open up to him. A significant other is the person you are supposed to go to with these
sorts of things, if he can't handle it then it's better to have him walk away knowing the full truth than keeping him on half the story, if that makes
sense. Good luck hun, i hope you figure it out and find some peace.
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