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Chronicals of me
written by lost_cause11:35 PM 9/12/04| its not my fault i swear i didnt do it dont hurt me please ive already been through it once and i cant stand it again i was so little then now i am older and i can defend myself but my feelings wont let my reflexes in this battle i hate how you hurt me and force me down into my hole where darkness is home and i hate when you belittle me im not that small i have feelings and i easily fall so dont make me feel bad i hurt bad enough your ranting and raving are hurting me so much i am starting to fall i am trying to call but i cant open up enough to tell someone how you make me feel i dont want to hurt you but you hurt me so much i feel like you deserve some of the pain or all of the blame for making me miserable making me ache all the hate that i have for you all the shit that you put me through kills me slowly and surely im dying and you help kill me when ever i bleed you say dont cut yet you drive me to do it you make me feel useless and i force myself into it the pain is what saves me from your sick little games where you try to make me cry and call me names like whore and slut and i just want to be loved what is so wrong with me am i impossible to love i didnt want it to come to this you hurt me so much i just want it to end and you say that you love me say that you care but whenever i need you why the hell arent you there i guess you just say you care when really you dont no loss to me though because ive felt rejected enough and unloved before you just add to the list that is growing so rapidly when i sit here and cry and wish i had strength to tell you how bad it hurts not that you would save me from death because it bites at my heels egging me to do it just to get it over with and save myself i swear that is the only way out of this hell but i dont think i could do it i couldnt kill myself and leave amy behind she needs me sometimes and i need her too and anna needs me to help with the shit she goes through and my granny will get better or else i will die she doesnt deserve this it makes me cry to think that when i call it may be the last that i hear from her that when i say bye i may never see her again and i couldnt do that it would tear me apart i would be a plain shell with no soul or no heart so i sit here and write because it makes me feel better it calms me down to see all the letters go onto a note or a journal or something where people can read it and understand me there will be so much more coming but for now i am done there are other things i have to get done so i will come back and start on the second see you later ill miss you |
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Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
I had to rant... this will be continued...
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