How do I become stick thin?
I mean how do they do it really?
I fast for a day or two,
I eat only vegetables,
I restrict to less then 700calories a day,
500 calories.
Counting,
400 calories.
Counting,
300 calories.
Too much,
100 calories.
Dying,
And then I get back up again,
With three voices in my head,
One tells me to induce vomit upon myself,
The other screams at me to eat,
And the familiar high ptiched voice yells,
It tells me how perfect I could be,
But can I really be perfect?
I mean:
Can I be small boned?
With slightly protruding hips?
And little bits of puppy fat?
Can I have 34C boobs?
Can I have flamingo pink hair that falls flatly where it should?
Can I have blue eyes and the whitest teeth,
Can I be the knower of all,
And never use it to my advantage?
And as I write this to myself,
A voice is screaming at me to stop.
It says:
"Isn't perfection small bones,
Loose skin,
And ribs poking everywhere?"
And I cry "no"
I describe the perfect girl,
One that wouldn't exist,
I didn't mention anything about true perfection,
About the fact it comes from inside,
From the personality.
To be different is to be perfect,
To follow is to be someone elses perfection.
I don't want to be my idea of perfection,
I want to be dead.
'Cause to be stick thin,
Isn't being emaciated,
It's failing to exist. |
