| » Poem: knives & needles |
knives & needles
written by deadrebel5306:04 AM 10/11/04they left me completely alone
with access to knives and needles.
i took the knives and
cut my wrists and slashed my throat.
i took the needles and
stuck them one by one into my skin.
15 needles later,
i had an intrecet design on my skin.
it showed all the torture, anger
and lonliess i feel.
there was blood dripping all
around me and my body went numb.
this is all that was left of me.
some beat up and bloodied
human-pincushion. |
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| » Comments / Feedback | by -Bacon- (10-11-2004 - 06:20 AM)
| I found this interesting in a way, though i'd like to know who "they" is.
and your uses of words were some how ackward at moments as here- "slashed my throat." are you saying you killed yourself by cutting your throat? yet you then say you 'stuck the needles into yourself. And lastly i found this line quiet ackward as well "it showed all the torture, anger
and lonliess i feel." the words 'i feel' don't seem to fit into the line. maybe 'i felt' or some how restating your thought. but this poem was awsome, i really liked it your a great poet. |
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