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Cuts
written by lost_cause12:49 AM 11/30/04If I could tell everyone why I chose to commit suicide I would tell them that I just couldn't take it. I couldn't handle the lies and frustration. There were too many things that went wrong and too many things that were said. People say things and don't realize that they hurt me. People tell me I don't care... That I'm a liar... Some things I don't tell them about are to protect them...
These cuts I have all over my legs, they won't disappear. I know why. Because I create 2 new ones for every 1 that heals. It gets harder each time... Deeper... But I really don't think anyone has the slightest idea that something is wrong with me. I don't think anyone knows or cares. I mean, there is one person but even she doesn't understand this pain.
And I can't take care of every problem my friends have. I can't bring Brian's mom back, I can't make Amy happy... Even when I try to go out of my way to cheer her up it is useless. Because I work so hard to make her happy, I'm not happy... I love her to death and I don't want to lose this friendship but I can't make her happy no matter how hard I try... And it's hard to feel like a failure all the time... I don't like feeling guilty... I don't like feeling like everything is my fault. But that is what I feel like when she is pissed at me...
1 cut... That is what I feel a lot...
2 cuts... Come to think of it, I never feel like she really likes me around...
4 cuts, 5 cuts, 6 cuts... I don't know how to fix these things...
7 cuts, 8 cuts, 9 cuts... Where can I draw the line? Oh, I know, on my leg with a knife.
Cuts, cuts, cuts...
Lost count... Sorry... No wait, I apologize too much... At least that is what I'm told... It always goes back to what other people make me feel like... I will never be happy as long as other people are around...
So many cuts... |
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Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
I don't know... My day...
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| » Comments / Feedback | by TwistedBloodLust (11-30-2004 - 12:55 AM)
| Postitivly amazing! Depressing, yes, but hey, believe it or not, the entire world doesn't suck! MSG me or AIM me@emberboarder |
by nobody (11-30-2004 - 01:13 AM)
| I share your pain and I understand exactly how you feel. |
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