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nothing that way it should
written by DeaD_DyinG_PaiN05:30 PM 12/19/04| I cant help it I miss you so bad and all these drugs numb and cover up you from me. But you just keep coming back I’m trying to let go but you just keep grabbing and pulling me down. I’m tried I’m in this constant battle with myself. I know this isn’t the right way to deal or cope but it works for me. I’m sorry so, so sorry that I let you down but nothing I do is right anymore I don’t even know who I am anymore. No matter what I do I think of you and it cant be helped. isn’t bad enough that you left or do you get off on watching me suffer, you are the reason why I’m suffering right now. I’m losing friends because they just, they just don’t understand why I feel pain they don’t know why I hurt. And I mean I could explain but that would take to long and then they would only pity me. God I hate myself every time you were around and I said that you would grab my face and hug me and tell me well I don’t hate you please come back and tell me that again and I will bring this suicide to an end make the voices stop make everything back to the way it was. Since the day you slipped away I have been running away from myself and my past has finally caught up with me and now I understand why I ran in the first place. I’m spinning in this circle of confusion I desire those nights that me and you just cuddled and that desire is like open wild fire with every touch leaves a ugly burn. These memories race through and through my mind and I feel like screaming go away! But please do, a broken mirror can just as easily explain me shattered images and shattered hopes and dreams. Ripe through the dreams and just wake up!!! A lay beside my self for days and days and days just trying not to feel anything and I cut only to see if I still feel and to my surprise I do and I know I’m still alive. Whenever I was alone with you, you would take everything away now when I’m alone I don’t even want to say I think it would hurt too many people that care if there is people? Run out in traffic and pretend to try to miss cars but deep inside I wish secretly that one will just hit me. And put me out of this misery I have changed but you will never get the chance to see me. I’m so far away from perfect but see if I care the life I live is bad enough to bleed yourself to death but I’m still here. |
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