| » Poem: A Daughter's Sanity |
A Daughter's Sanity
written by Lothiriel06:31 AM 12/21/04Please tell me what you have done to deserve me
What have you done to protect me?
What have you done to forewarn me?
To prevent all the insufferable evils I've endured
Please tell me you don't hate me
Tell me that what I feel everyday
what strains my heart so
is all wrong
and that you always had good intensions for me
that you could always look into my eyes and smile
and know that I would make it somehow, someday
because that's all that you ever wanted in me
I look away because I cannot bear what you have become to me
You could never understand the fear and impotence in my thoughts
When I look into your eyes and see not
but a dull ache lingering behind your soul
The vibrance is long gone
The covetousness for thriving is nil
and you've crossed your heart out as void
I wish I were still your child of innocence
and that you were still mine to forgive
I cannot stop what becomes of you
And I cannot tell you that it does not become you
to be so frail, so thin
Like the chalky mist of a death's living fate
Your eyes are but hollows,
depths long since unreachable
I cannot reach you
I cannot reach out to you
I cannot make you feel how I wish
that I could always remember you
I don't want to live this life with pangs and guilt
I want to remember you always
in how you smiled down upon me
and danced with my vulnerability
through my childhood's wonderment
I want to remember you
as the beautiful face that I always adored,
Though I didn't often tell you that I did
I cannot allow myself to reminisce
and wish that you would hold my hands again
or rock me in your nurturing arms
Oh the memories are perpetually entrapped within me |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
©2004 Loth Roxx Writings
Written for my mother
It truly isn't easy to have an alcoholic parent, and I know that there are so many who can relate.
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| » Comments / Feedback | by Ave~For~A~Rose (12-21-2004 - 01:16 PM)
| I can relate... My father and stepmother are both alcoholics. I wish like hell everyday they will look in the mirror and see the image of them that I get. I want them to know how it hurts me to not want them around, yet to need them so badly. If only they could know a tenth of what we deal with in their drunken wake, they would not be able to cope. |
by Lothiriel (12-21-2004 - 03:55 PM)
| AMEN to that sweetie, it truly sux. My mother might weigh about 80 lbs and I'm terrified that I'll get a phone call saying that she's not with us anymore. I almost can't bear to look at her, and it's not from lack of me trying to help her - she won't let me. She flat out refuses.
Trust me, I've learned the long, hard way that I have to let go and let God, but it's not easy. |
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