| » Poem: My aniti-drug |
My aniti-drug
written by DeaD_DyinG_PaiN07:59 AM 12/28/04| The alcohol couldn’t ever replace you but it is a cover to hide my broken smile. I look out my window wishing to see you waving me to come out and walk around with you. Its your memories that kill more then your absents. All this shit has hit me and I cant bend it anymore so I break into pieces. I look up into my self and I cant find even one star. I’m starting not to feel the cuts deep in my writs am I going fully numb? Its so hard to be sober I know Geoff wants me normal but when I’m sober all I can think about is you and Geoff and how much I feel for him and it tears at me. Like I said the alcohol isn’t a replacement but it numbs this. Of all the nights I have cried for you this one hurts the worst. I have fucked up so bad this time and I think they all hate me even Geoff. This isn’t ever going to get better is it? You are going to tear at me for years. Killing me slowly its what you wanted wasn’t it? I’m clawing at myself to get out to escape from you and these haunting memories I feel so weak. I thought I feared you the most but really I fear that Geoff doesn’t care for me anymore and now I’m left alone to play god with who you? I know I have floated way to far. I loved you so much and what you did in return is leave me with scars and the power of pushing everyone I ever cared about away. Why am I so broken? Why cant I just get over you? Why am I so empty inside as well as out? The only answers I seek is to the questions that never go away. I’m sick of waiting for this just to go away I know how to make it stop but I ask one last time who will miss me? They all hate me even Geoff hates me and he is the only one that I never wanted to see me like this. I thought I was better but I guess it was just the good side fighting to win but I see now it lost. I don’t have anymore strength to push myself better so I let go of the leash and where ever I go. I go I guess no one really cares my friends hate me because I’m only sober 3 hours of the day. But they don’t understand and I guess I should end it right its not like I will ever be loved the only two people I cared about one doesn’t even speak to me anymore and the other ended up six feet under. “I know it hurts and..” shut no “We” don’t all fall only I do so fuck you and your stupid silly things. You cant imagine how hard it is to beat someone you can only see in your dreams. I gave all that I can give and it only made me bleed even more. Yeah, yeah I don’t cut but they cant see the deep fresh one just clearly hidden under my bracelets. If this is a cry out for help I need it fast I’m dying and I only want one thing before I die, I want to touch Geoff’s face so I know he was real and it wasn’t my mind playing tricks. All I do is wait for you come home to come back but deep inside I know how this story will end your not coming back but its heard to tell myself to stop loving someone when my heart still does. |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
[ View DeaD_DyinG_PaiN's Profile ] [ Go to the Poetry Portal ]
This Poem has been viewed 160 times
|
|
|
|
