| » Poem: vicarious**comment** |
vicarious**comment**
written by sweetiepie8902:56 AM 2/27/05to be out of here
to be gone
to be free
to be away from you, you assholes.
i want to get out of this fucking house,
perhaps go to another state,
and prove to myself that i don't need you,
that i can make enough to live on,
that i can pursue what i want to,
without your buzzing in my ears everything about what i need,
everything i already know.
so you won't be there,
so you can't dig me out of my every pitfall
when i'm older and you're not there for me,
when your shoulder is not there for me to cry on.
GOOD.
maybe i'll learn not to fuck up
if i have to take responsibility for my own actions,
maybe i'll treasure my mistakes more when i can take my own fall.
god damn you, let me live my own life
and quit telling me how you can't
and quit listening to your gloria copeland
telling you to never leave the kids alone
until they've been god-ified.
why bother telling you that you could write a book on how to push me away
when i walk to your shelves and see a library of it staring me in the face?
infinite disinterest
unparalleled apathy
and unflinching cynicism.
these are what you can expect from me
if you continue to ram this shit, this SHIT, down my throat.
no one will be as proud as i to raise a fist and say "i am bulimic!"
while pointing at you with my other hand,
still wet from aiding the eruption of your own sallow beliefs
right back onto you, fuckers,
right back onto the raiment you suddenly began to believe was white
when some idiot told you it was.
guess what?
it's not my job to be an extention of your life!
and it's not my duty to finish the story you never had the stomach to start.
i really don't know,
maybe you are a failure as a parent
but i'm determined not to let that be my problem anymore.
my love is not your loves,
and my mind is not buried under the dirt of your conscience
or its drag upon your ability to reason.
if you'd really accepted that i'm not like you,
you would have stopped punishing me for it by now.
i'm not sorry that it makes me sick to see
how everyone in your "family" is EXPECTED to use emotions to manipulate,
use "morals" to control,
even use "spirituality" to claim clairvoyance when convenient.
you wonder why no one takes your pains seriously
when no one else's are real to you,
for YOU, sweet you, are the only person in the world who is not a drama queen.
FUCK THAT.
LET ME FAIL!!!!!!
let me see for myself that i need you to be my mommy and daddy
as badly as you need me to be yours.
or are you afraid i can take care of myself?
i wish....
i wish that i will miss you. |
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