| » Poem: Scared of the dark |
Scared of the dark
written by blurredvisions08:29 PM 3/16/05The shadows close in around me,
The darkness swallows me whole,
I'm stuck in a cloud of blackness,
I see fire, I see coal.
I'm unsure of where I'm standing,
I'm alone in the dark night,
A pathway lit by the fire,
A fire not even bright.
I'm afraid as I walk on ward,
And the wind roars in my ears,
I hear the Father call my name,
And it stirs up my worst fears.
Who is calling in the darkness?
Is it Father, can it be?
I cannot escape the feeling...
Reality's mocking me!
I cannot see where I run to,
The fire quickly burnt out,
I realize my Father didn't call,
Hear his voice... Satan, no doubt!!
Oh, PLEASE tell me this is a dream,
This cannot be serious,
I anxiously open my eyes...
To find I was delirious. |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
um... i originally wrote this one a year ago, but yesterday i was going through some old notebooks of mine and completely changed it. my sister says the first stanza sounds like im trying too hard, but it was those first lines that brought the next 5 stanzas. That is prolly the only part I kept in its original form. ... PLEASE comment. some guy i know said it didn't make sense at all, TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! and be honest, if its HORRIBLE tell me!!! i might hate the truth but i can't improve unless i realize it, with YOUR help of course!
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| » Comments / Feedback | by BrokenStarz (3-16-2005 - 08:37 PM)
| Your first stanza doesn't completely sound like you're tryin to hard, but perhaps instead of saying "The shadows close in around me,
The darkness swallows me whole,
I'm stuck in a cloud of blackness,
I see fire; I see coal." put tha last line together. It won't sound as repeticious and might even get rid of your sister's opinion. :) It really is a good poem. Very suspenseful, but I can't really feel tha emotion written in. Please tell me when you compose a new poem, I would really like to read it. :peace:
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by blurredvisions (3-16-2005 - 09:14 PM)
| doesn't COMPLETELY? hehe. just playing. |
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