| » Poem: suicide |
suicide
written by bloodydevildrinker66611:01 PM 4/14/05every breath u take
every move u make
every word u say
everytime u awake
everytime u sleep
everytime u dream
u dream of knives, blood
a funeral
ur funeral
in 3 days
its all over
ur parents cry
"why, why" ur friends scream
in emontional pain
u will be missed, every1 says
but u kno they wont remember
u in a year or 2 |
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This Poem has been viewed 463 times
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| » Comments / Feedback | by insomnia_art (4-15-2005 - 03:23 AM)
| That was... probably the worst poem I've ever read. Too whiney, too general, too "boo-hoo I hate my life". If you ever want to be taken seriously as a poet, learn the different forms of poetry; that was not a sonnet. Do some research on it first. Also, you copied the first part of your “poem”. “Every breath you take, every move you make” are lyrics to an old song; it’s one thing when you make a reference to a song or person/event/whatever, another when you *steal* the first part of something and then butcher the rest of it. Come up with something original.
You want to be taken seriously? Some more tips: don’t use abbreviations. When u write lyke an idiot, lyke nooone will talk to u LOL! |
by The Black Halo (4-15-2005 - 02:20 PM)
| That was really pathetic. Bad spellings, netspeak, no sense of english grammar, no capitalisation, poor punctuation, boring repetition, hundreds of cliches. That's only a quarter of the list that makes this poem suck. |
by Genocide Reaper (4-15-2005 - 05:04 PM)
| What the Hell is that? That is just pure shit. You suck. Use real words and get into deeper meanings, find something better than suicidal dreaming. |
by Angels_Punishment (4-15-2005 - 10:35 PM)
| THIS SUCKED ASS!! learn how to write, its nothing close to a sonnet.... most pathetic thing ive seen in years... |
by maledeth (4-20-2005 - 08:15 AM)
| Why aren't you fucking dead yet, you worthless bastard!? |
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