| » Poem: A girls lost love (comments PLEASE!) |
A girls lost love (comments PLEASE!)
written by porkchop_chick07:15 PM 4/15/05This is a story of a girl...
She sits there in the darkness,
waiting, waiting, and waiting,
for the man she loves,
he left one day leaving her in that darkness,
in her mind she thinks that he'll be back,
so she waits,
she waits till he comes back,
to pick her up from her weak legs,
to heal her heart that broke the moment he left,
she once held her head up high,
but now her head and eyes only reach the floor,
no strength to love again,
she could only love him,
months past no trace of him,
her heart turns as cold as ice,
but still she waits,
she waits for the man that showed her how to love,
finally he returns,
he returns with nothing to say to her,
he only returns to push her deeper into the ground,
she cries everynight,
only thinking about what she did wrong,
she gets a call one day,
its her friend and also her loves cousin,
she says he told her...,
he told her he don't want that girl no more,
the girl pauses a moment,
and finally knows the truth,
the truth being that it was never her fault,
it was him,
he never loved her,
but still when she looks back,
she remembers that face she once loved,
and that girl is me. |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
PLEASE COMMENT!!!
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| » Comments / Feedback | by xheartbreakxincarnatex (4-15-2005 - 07:23 PM)
| this is good... it needs a bit of revision. the words are good but you add too many commas that don't need to be in there. then you use and a lot , too... just change a bit and then it will be great... and i'm sorry btw |
by porkchop_chick (4-15-2005 - 07:32 PM)
| Thank u for your tips on how to make it better. I appreciate it, thanks for commenting. |
by MySoReSpOt (4-15-2005 - 07:47 PM)
| Even better than the first one!
( i must seem like whacko commenting all the time, sry...);):P |
by porkchop_chick (4-15-2005 - 07:49 PM)
| No thank no for ALL your comments I love to read them |
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