| » Poem: Nobody knows how i feel (comments please |
Nobody knows how i feel (comments please
written by porkchop_chick03:30 AM 4/16/05Nobody knows the pain I feel,
Nobody knows I cry,
Nobody knows that I miss u,
Nobody knows but its the truth,
Nobody knows how I feel,
Nobody knows cause there not me,
Nobody sees the tears I cry,
Nobodys there to dry my eyes,
Nobody knows im nothing without u,
Nobody knows I feel ALONE,
Nobody knows its my fault. |
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Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
comments please
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| » Comments / Feedback | by suicidal_goodgirl (4-16-2005 - 03:42 AM)
| i DO know how u feel. nice poem. |
by insomnia_art (4-16-2005 - 04:13 AM)
| I know that your poem needs more work
I know that abbreviations amount to ridicule
I know that this is way too whiney
I know that being attention getting is annoying.
Alright, what I just said above in my ten second masterpiece is simple, but I’ll repeat and elaborate here. This poem really does need more work; it’s nothing original or spectacular, and doesn’t give me a reason to gasp and print to hang on my wall. It’s one of those annoying angst filled moments where every teenager thinks “my life sucks because so and so broke up with me... I can’t go on”... and it really bugs the shit out of me. Don’t look to strangers for advice on something like this in poetry, because all you’ll get is “get over it” or “grow up”. Yes, love does hurt, but when you write a poem about it... try to do something more unique versus the stereotype that everyone writes about on a daily basis. If you really, really need to talk, go and consult a close friend. It’ll make you feel tons better, I promise. When you write something like this, it makes you come off as an attention getting child... and what makes it even more childish is when you use abbreviations such as “u”. Two letters. Two letters to prevent further ridicule and to get noticed. Just two key strokes to bring the level of this writing up. |
by porkchop_chick (4-16-2005 - 04:35 AM)
| Ok, please do not critisize my work in public so I could look like an idiot. Thank u for leaving me some tipes on to improve my writing. Thank u for commenting on my work. |
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