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Blur colors
written by DeaD_DyinG_PaiN06:08 PM 4/22/05| What do you see when you look at me? A happy teenage girl looking for what is right? I will tell you what I see when I look in the mirror. A blur not a blur of shapes but a blur of colors. Red, green, black eye shadow, and the clear tears that wont stop falling. I see a lost and hurt soul, trying to build herself up with physical strength to substitute what she doesn’t have emotionally. I see a girl cutting holes into herself to hurt the people around her. I see a girl taking drugs to keep her drug addict friends. I see a girl hating herself because he doesn’t love her anymore. I see a girl praying on the angels to heal the pain. I see her passing out from too much pills. I see a girl trying to disappear. And when you see her don’t pretend she isn’t there. She is struggling to win a battle within that her mind keeps telling her she can win, but all along her heart is telling her to give up. She failed her family once and looks like she is going to again. And as the tears blind her from what is right in front of her she walks away head down and kicking the rocks below her feet. And the leaves just fall she gives herself more scars. she can’t tell what is reality from fairytales. She is still holding on to some kind of hope that her dead friend will come back. And in doing so she pushes everyone else away, she calls it protecting herself because she doesn’t want another ache. And as she was just about to give up and let her body wither along with her soul someone try’s to open her up and no matter how hard she try’s to push him away he never leaves. And she never realized how much someone could care about her until he left. And she has no choice but to turn to her hero but her hero left and she is all alone again. And her mind fights with her heart. “I told you this was going to happen.” and she is left to pray once again on the angels, but the angels never showed. And she questions her faith. Maybe he isn’t real, I know he isn’t real fuck him. She feels locked in a box and she can’t do anything but watch the life around her grow up and change. She grows sick within and breaking down. I close my eyes and reopen them to my reflection, the same blur of colors as before. Maybe I can try again, believe me its easier on yourself when you understand that life is shit. Breathe it in and breathe it out, live it , love it fuck it. |
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