| » Poem: I Hurt YOU |
I Hurt YOU
written by sarah1008711:40 AM 12/12/04I hate it, Ive done what was done to me
I hate it, I've hurt you i can see
Plaese dont leave because of this mess
I love you as a friend and never any less
Dont say it cant be, cos i know it can
Cant we turn back time before this began?
I'll miss our talks,
I'll miss our walks
I'll miss our word play
It doesnt have to be this way
I want to make you better, forever
But its too big a task, im not that clever
Dont be alone,
Be a friend,
be my friend |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
This is for my mate :)
A better poem is "friend or foe" check it out.
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This Poem has been viewed 271 times
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| » Comments / Feedback | by Miss_Devil (12-12-2004 - 11:52 AM)
| I fink this is good...Really good |
by ieatsmellysocks (12-12-2004 - 12:11 PM)
by punk_buddy_frooly_tube (12-12-2004 - 05:29 PM)
| AWESOME!! THIS IS GREAT!! I CAN SO RELATE TO DIS ONE!! AWESOME!! |
by Trapezium (12-16-2004 - 05:17 PM)
| This lacks structure.
"I hate it, I've done what was done to me,
I hate it, I've hurt you, I can see,
Please dont leave because of this mess,
I love you as a friend and never any less,
Dont say it cant be, 'cause I know it can,
Cant we turn back time, before this began?
I'll miss our talks,
I'll miss our walks.
I'll miss our word play
It doesnt have to be this way.
I want to make you better, forever
But its too big a task, I'm not that clever,
Dont be alone, Be a friend,
Be my friend."
Ridiculous grammar, bad spellings, obvious typos, lack of use of extensive vocabulary, not heartfelt, no structure. Everything that makes a poem isn't included in this. You claim OUR poems are bad. haha! |
by sarah10087 (12-16-2004 - 08:28 PM)
| It was dedicated to a mate so it did come from the heart. Ever wonder why i dont use big words when i perfectly capable of doing so? Because thats not the style im looking for. Its too a mate, its informal, its how i would speak in a relaxed way, not preplanned, just random, thats more from the heart than long words that are put there cos they are long!!! |
by Trapezium (12-16-2004 - 08:55 PM)
| It was dedicated to a mate so it did come from the heart. Ever wonder why i dont use big words when i perfectly capable of doing so? Because thats not the style im looking for. Its too a mate, its informal, its how i would speak in a relaxed way, not preplanned, just random, thats more from the heart than long words that are put there cos they are long!!!
I've written one preplanned poem in my entire life. I still make use of my extensive vocabulary. Even when writing a comment you show extremely bad grammatical skills, and you use words of a 10 year old. Good impression eh? I use long words when I speak both formally and informally, unless I know my "audience" are unintelligent. |
by mattwhatever (12-16-2004 - 09:46 PM)
| kahno, That poem was bout me and it meant allot! I think it's pretty pathetic that you have to come on and criticise others work. You must have a very lonely life! What does it matter if a poems structure isn’t perfect, poetry’s about expression! Maybe if you opened eyes you’d see that were all pretty similar actually. Then maybe you wouldn’t waste your time arguing with fellow members! Surely even you can see that if they’re on here, they already see the bigger picture, it’s not them you’ve got to convince! |
by sarah10087 (12-16-2004 - 09:52 PM)
| well sed matt....i have too look at all my other poems now. post yet more replies, great |
by Trapezium (12-17-2004 - 04:29 PM)
| Matt, You think what I'm doing is pretty pathetic? Well, I'm sorry to inform you but I'm only copying what your little lovergirl's doing. She done it first, and I always give better than I get. I wouldn't say I have a lonely life. I'm sitting here, at work, talking to my colleagues. Yeah, that's right, I'm old enough to work. I don't spend my time trying to "get a life" when I've already got onw. I live by my own standards. No snotty nosed adolescents are gonna change that. |
by FeeFee (12-17-2004 - 07:09 PM)
| he doesnt have a fucking lonely life, i love him, and tons of other people do too, so piss off
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