| » Poem: "The Picture" (please comment) |
"The Picture" (please comment)
written by XxXstitchesXxX02:12 AM 3/3/05I sit alone is this empty house,
the world to me is quite like a mouse.
I hear something move in the hallway,
while on the couch I lay.
I wonder what the screamings are,
I wonder why they seem so far.
I get up and look around,
and to my suprise it leads me to my door, where agian I here the sound.
I slowly look into the room,
hoping this wont be my doom.
On the bed lays a picture of my family,
and I figure out that the screaming was me.
I was imaging my past,
and remebering all the good times that I wished would last.
I run and pick up the picture.
And sit there on my bed while its rapped in my arms and cry,
wishing I had one last chance to try. |
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| » Comments / Feedback | by xwhatitis2burn8x (3-3-2005 - 02:25 AM)
| poem had a lot of good parts and some bad part. the 4th line for example is out of place and does not flow well. the first three are very well written and i commend you on a job well done. put more detail into your writing it will make it flow better and become more alive for the reader |
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