| » Poem: My guardien angel(going to stay) |
My guardien angel(going to stay)
written by Cut_Wrist_Risk08:22 PM 3/14/05The room shrinkens down,
noises float around.
I wonder what happened and where I am.
I try see anything I can.
But its to dark I can't see a thing.
I feel around for a door or something.
I feel a string above me I pull on it.
It lights up the room a little bit.
Enough to see where I am at.
The whole room is a view of pain I have had.
I fall to the floor my eyes wet with tears.
Remembering pain I went through all these years.
The light flickers and I look up to see.
What now is going on around me.
The images leave and I see a figure of a man.
He says it's okay and reaches out his hand.
I take it slowly but I have no fear.
Then he tells me in my ear.
"You have went through pain and heartbrake,.
which will someday all go away.
You need someone to let you know you'll be okay."
I look up and see tim say,
"Because im going to stay." |
All (c)Copyrights reserved by the Original Author.
Author's footnotes and comments on this Poem:
The most amazing guy I have ever met....prolly the nicest one there is.
TiM
[ View Cut_Wrist_Risk's Profile ] [ Go to the Poetry Portal ]
This Poem has been viewed 343 times
|
|
| » Comments / Feedback | by Dianesjewels (3-14-2005 - 08:24 PM)
| Good, but could use some work and editing. |
by Cut_Wrist_Risk (3-14-2005 - 08:31 PM)
| what do u mean it could use work in editing?? |
by Dianesjewels (3-14-2005 - 08:48 PM)
| I mean, re-read your work and fix the spelling errors and left out words. It looks like you spent 3 minutes writing it, and it shows. It has potential, but...again, it needs some work. If you want people to critique your work, then expect people to be honest. |
by Cut_Wrist_Risk (3-14-2005 - 09:47 PM)
| I never said I expected anyone to do anything. I write what I feel regardless of errors or left out words. Poetry is feelings...and my feeling is Idc what the poem is missing if it sounds right to the poet...THAT is what matters. But out of curiosity....what is that you call a poem in YOUR profile? |
by Dianesjewels (3-14-2005 - 10:06 PM)
| I've submitted poems here before, but I don't keep them here. I've been writing poetry since my teens, through my twenties and now in my early 30s. I'm college educated and have taken creative writing classes under some of the great Masters in American Literature, here in the United States. So, I'm fully qualified to critique and you'd do yourself well, to listen to me objectively, and not as if I have some personal grudge against you. Be well...and write better. |
by XsouredXfaithX (3-14-2005 - 10:15 PM)
by Cut_Wrist_Risk (3-14-2005 - 10:28 PM)
| OKay let me tell you how much I care about ur classes you took and ur age....NOT AT ALL! and not to be conceited but something tells me for some odd reason that u suck at writting.....hmmm something to think about. Oh and to let u know ur arguing w/ a 14 year old...whos prolly better at wrtting than u r. :) |
by Tainted_Soul_777 (3-14-2005 - 11:01 PM)
by (guest) (3-15-2005 - 06:28 AM)
| THANK YOU cass. i dont know you but youre absolutely right...your poetry is awesome, and her pathetic attempts to explain how old she is and how educated she is are geting really annoying. youre an awesome writer, and dont listen to people who have NO idea what theyre talking about :) your poetry expresses YOU, not what dianesjewels wants it to express. |
by Cut_Wrist_Risk (3-15-2005 - 09:12 AM)
| Thank you guest!!! its too bad i dont know u either. :( |
|
|
|
|
